Why Not

To give you an idea of how neurotic I tend to be, I have been obsessing about the first line of this narrative for about three months.  (Unless you know me, then you'll probably be quite proud that it didn't take longer. . .or  that it's actually happening at all.)  I feel like I've written the middles of a lot of great stories in my head, but the first line is always a killer.

Now that I've gotten that over with, here's what I really want this first post to be about:  why I'm doing this and what you can expect from reading my blog.  Here it goes:

I'm stomach achingly worried that I'm going to be seen as a jerk for assuming anyone in the world wants to read what I write.  And yet, I'm Pepto-chugging worried that I'm going to let more time pass before I just let it go and give it a try.  (I abandoned my first novel at age 9 and still silently berate my failure. . .I would finish it, if only I could remember the plot. It had something to do with very smart monkeys, but everything else is lost to history.)

I'm assuming that at least my friends will read this.  And so, I will apologize this one time in advance about anything I may or may not write that may or may not be about you and situations you may or may not be involved in.  As someone who considers herself to be pathologically oversensitive, the focus will be on me and my never-ending list of bullshit and random reflections.  I won't judge you online, in a barely-read blog, I solemnly promise.  I will, however, judge you anytime you specifically ask for it, especially if you buy me a beer beforehand and during the judgment.  (Note: there are a few of you - you know who you are - that I will judge, regardless whether you ask for it or not.  This will not change, but I won't put my judgment on the interweb.  You are welcome.) 

On the other hand and maybe a little contradictory to what I just wrote, I'm going to try really hard not to edit myself too much or else I really won't end up writing anything.  All this blog will end up being is me posting cat videos and song lyrics.  (Note:  I will totally post cat videos and song lyrics. Just not exclusively.)  I'll try not to ramble too much and stay focused on whatever the post "theme" is.  This will be good when I'm writing about recipes and funny stuff, maybe not so much when I'm ranting.  Which brings me to this point. . .

I'm a pretty happy person, really.  Really!  The last thing I want is for this thing I'm doing to become a cesspool of anger or meanness.  However, I am human and may occasionally have an irrationally frustrated post or two.  It might be about me wanting to hang my kid by his thumbs in response to his giving me lip.  This doesn't mean I advocate child abuse.  It means I am human, I am a parent, and by golly I'm allowed to fantasize via my very own blog in order to vent my very own frustrations.  So, you may read the occasional unhappy thought, because even happy women get the blues sometimes.  (Zing - I worked the blog title in.  So proud.)

Here's a list of what you can look forward to reading on this here blog, my sweet chickens:

• Me Calling You "Sweet Chicken"
• Eating, Drinking & Merriment 
• Parenting Successes & Failures
• Marriage Success & Failure (Just the one divorce.  Nice!)
• My Childhood & Various Family Stories (Because this blogging stuff is super cheap therapy and I've got a lot of great source material, for better or worse.)
• Music, Books & Other Stuff That Makes Me Happy
• How Awesome My Dog Is
• Observations & Miscellaneous Bullshit

I hope you stick with me in this.  I think it will be fun.  If not, hopefully it will at least be interesting.  And if it's neither, then I will consider it another unfinished smart monkey novel and move on.  Probably.  Hopefully.

Who am I kidding, just read it and give me a shit ton of positive reinforcement.